i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Let's paint friendship bongs
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
