no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Randomize
