We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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