i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
