I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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