It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
