I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
