I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
