I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
