I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
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