I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
