This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
