My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
