If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
