3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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