we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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