What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
my sisters under your porch take her home
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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