i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
