my sisters under your porch take her home
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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