btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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