I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
