Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
you made out with another girl for some wings
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
