My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
