i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
