I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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