Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Randomize
