YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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