and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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