I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
well most of my day revolves around power hour
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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