I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Randomize
