It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
there was a trapeze. enough said
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
