im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Operation Purity has been aborted
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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