Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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