My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
