I wish my penis had an off switch
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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