And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
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