don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
