apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
