It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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