I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
