I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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