So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Randomize
