it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
