another moral hangover. fuck.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
