i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
