Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
do nipples grow back?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
