i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
