on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
