totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
