Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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