Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Just puked most of my soul out..
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