i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
