I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
